Monday, April 07, 2008
parent to teen
Two teeth later and flights to and from the Prairies to visit Grandma and Grandpa, and I'm back at the blog. What a whirlwind.
Sleep has become the most unfavourable thing to get to for Birdie and as a result, for me. Admittedly, I dread the going-to-sleep process or whatever its called. And Birdie can really hold her own now... maybe the teeth have increased her resolve. But one thing is certain right now, going to sleep is no friend of Birdie's.
See, I never had that idea... I have always loved going to sleep and sleeping. When I was a girl, I would fall asleep anywhere and not for brief periods rather long and deep snoozes. I love sleep still and might add that I'm really good at it.
As a new mother I have come to realize that I'm not 'all that'. Don't be mistaken, I'm not saying 'woe is me' or 'I need a break'. What I am saying is 'have I always had this trait in me... and never realized it before? Because... ew, I don't like it.' Let me explain. Before I had Birdie, I had this idea that when a child would be added to my life (and my existing lifestyle) that new and unfamiliar emotions and undeveloped character within me would suddenly emerge. Okay, so new and unfamiliar emotions and character traits have shown themselves. Unfortunately, not the new emotions and 'strength' of character that I had hoped or imagined. Instead of beauty and grace I have discovered that I am impatient (particularly for the non-sensical) and frequently feel confounded. Again, not the characteristics and feelings that I had in mind.
I'm back in the emotional arena of an adolescent. Seriously:
- my body has completely betrayed me. What is this thing anyway?
- my emotions are in complete tumult
- my head is fuzzy. Some of it sleep deprivation, some of it is missing the me I used to 'get' and some of it is just processing input at a rapid rate
- my self-esteem is under constant self-scrutiny
- my accomplishments feel less than what I had hoped
- my superiors know all the answers
- my decisions are uncertain. One day, I have complete resolve on an issue, and the next its gone.
Sleeping should be my specialty and teaching it should be natural. But it's not. I'm not a natural at being a mom either. Birdie, forgive the drama of me. I'm working on it.
Sleep has become the most unfavourable thing to get to for Birdie and as a result, for me. Admittedly, I dread the going-to-sleep process or whatever its called. And Birdie can really hold her own now... maybe the teeth have increased her resolve. But one thing is certain right now, going to sleep is no friend of Birdie's.
See, I never had that idea... I have always loved going to sleep and sleeping. When I was a girl, I would fall asleep anywhere and not for brief periods rather long and deep snoozes. I love sleep still and might add that I'm really good at it.
As a new mother I have come to realize that I'm not 'all that'. Don't be mistaken, I'm not saying 'woe is me' or 'I need a break'. What I am saying is 'have I always had this trait in me... and never realized it before? Because... ew, I don't like it.' Let me explain. Before I had Birdie, I had this idea that when a child would be added to my life (and my existing lifestyle) that new and unfamiliar emotions and undeveloped character within me would suddenly emerge. Okay, so new and unfamiliar emotions and character traits have shown themselves. Unfortunately, not the new emotions and 'strength' of character that I had hoped or imagined. Instead of beauty and grace I have discovered that I am impatient (particularly for the non-sensical) and frequently feel confounded. Again, not the characteristics and feelings that I had in mind.
I'm back in the emotional arena of an adolescent. Seriously:
- my body has completely betrayed me. What is this thing anyway?
- my emotions are in complete tumult
- my head is fuzzy. Some of it sleep deprivation, some of it is missing the me I used to 'get' and some of it is just processing input at a rapid rate
- my self-esteem is under constant self-scrutiny
- my accomplishments feel less than what I had hoped
- my superiors know all the answers
- my decisions are uncertain. One day, I have complete resolve on an issue, and the next its gone.
Sleeping should be my specialty and teaching it should be natural. But it's not. I'm not a natural at being a mom either. Birdie, forgive the drama of me. I'm working on it.
# posted by tfoxfan @ 5:27 PM 
Comments:
<< Home
Hee hee, when you find those superiors with the answers let me know! It's an insanely hard job but y ou're doing great. IF is fed, safe and developing normally (as far as I know!). Maybe she's not so well rested, it's a tough card for you to have drawn if indeed her sleep is less than other babies. None of them sleep well or enough as far as I'm concerned.
Tan, I figured that was you :).
Yeah, it's not that IF isn't sleeping, it's that she isn't going to sleep very well. That is the frustrating part.
Anyway, I'm onto reading the 'no-cry sleep solution' and starting the charts! Will let you know how that goes.
I thought of you though that whenever you travel with a child, everything routine goes out the window and you start again. O my!
Yeah, it's not that IF isn't sleeping, it's that she isn't going to sleep very well. That is the frustrating part.
Anyway, I'm onto reading the 'no-cry sleep solution' and starting the charts! Will let you know how that goes.
I thought of you though that whenever you travel with a child, everything routine goes out the window and you start again. O my!
Jer,
Why must you two always be so authentic? That's what I love about you... telling me you love my 'ugly' post. Authenticity is critical to true and lasting relationships, no?
Post a Comment
Why must you two always be so authentic? That's what I love about you... telling me you love my 'ugly' post. Authenticity is critical to true and lasting relationships, no?
<< Home
