Tuesday, December 11, 2007

 

good baby

What's all happened since my last post? Birdie is growing and developing at such a quick pace now that blogging has been sadly neglected. Blogging, what about my journal? Oh, dear.

Briefly, she's done her first roll over from back to tummy. She's talking like a person who has had a whole lot of thoughts and experiences pent up for a long while (guess that makes sense) and needs to discuss them. Birdie is starting to show her character too, which I think is a mix of quirky, charming (in very specific circumstances), contemplative, determined and honest. This is where my title comes in.

Most certainly, every mother is asked the question of their new child, "Is she/he a good baby?". I encounter this question with some frequency. In fact, at Birdie's second round of immunizations (ouch) recently, the question was formed as "Is she a good-natured baby?" to which before I could respond the lady who asked it said, "Of course you'd say she is, what a silly question." No kidding!

Seriously, what is this question? What is the meaning of it? I've been throwing 'the good baby' term around in my head for some time. The concern I have with this common question is that it isn't as casual as "How are you doing?". People ask that all the time without even listening to the response since it's part of our way of saying hello. Yet, with a new mom, the good baby question is one that comes up to initiate a conversation. Granted, people want to engage the mom on their new babe and so, I hope only out of nervousness, they ask this question.

Okay, the opposite of good is bad. No mother is going to respond that their baby is bad. A baby can't be bad anyway. Frankly, I'm not sure a baby is capable of being good either. Good is defined by behaviour, babies behave like babies and that is, particularly in the early months made up entirely of reflexes - to feed, to poop and to sleep. People, this is an obvious reason to toss the question altogether.

The other stigma attached to the question of a good baby is that it ultimately comes off as a judgement rather than a colloquialism which sounds to me like: "Tell me, do you think your baby is good to you?". People want to know. Strange people.

So, when Birdie squawks loudly at overly-stimulating gatherings of more than 2 people? She's overwhelmed and may be not so into socializing. When Birdie is quiet and not smiling at you albeit content, she's observing her surroundings and likely pre-occupied with sorting it out. If Birdie is cooing like a pigeon she's pontificating about her adventures in the day. If she's smiling like crazy, she's happy. But, she's never good or bad, I can tell you that.

Comments:
I love the way you think everything through. Me... who speaks off the top of her head, well.. need I say more. If only I would think first before talking.(haha). It's a family tradition on my side, we talk first, then we think it through. I am so glad you are more like your dad in that way.
I love the way you write! It is like reading a book into your mind thought.
With watching Birdie, I so often realize, how she like you, loves to compute everything before she does something about it... be it squawking as you put it, smiling, crying or no response, just taking it all in. You were exactly that way. Often people would ask me... is she a good baby?
Having read your blog, I too now realize... what a mindless question. I know I have asked that questions many times myself, sometimes just to fill in for conversation.
I love watching our grandbaby grow. I love watching her changes. I love her squawking, I love her watching everything we do and I absolutely love her beautiful smile. Her smile lights up the room with such joy. She is such a sweet child. She has brought so much happiness to our family.
Keep writing your blogs... I look forward to each new addition.
Love ya!
Oma E
 
Here's the trick for me...when does that just "being" turn into conscious decisions, for better or worse? Jer and I often disagree on when behaviours have become intentional and when they're just being babies/kids. NOT that it makes them bad kids.
 
Hey Mom,

Thanks for sharing and hearing my observations - no matter how silly.
 
Tan,

Okay, that's naturally the next question in this same vein. There are times when Birdie knows how to get what she wants from us, that's for sure. What is the cut-off point? What do you guys think?
 
Sorry to rush you to the next stage Es! Enjoy the purity of the moment, I sure am. I love it that baby's emotions and actions just are what they are.

Even when kids learn how to get what they want at a VERY early age, that doesn't make them "bad" in my opinion. It probably means they're smart. Figuring out what is legitimate and what is manipulative is so tough and always changing.

I'll admit up front that I'm a sucker though and will almost always assume the best from them. That's the part where Jer suggests to me that I might want to hold them responsible more often so they learn...back and forth.
 
"purity of the moment"? I must have stayed up too late (it was after 11). I think the concept I was looking for was "innocence".
 
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