Locomotion

One of the questions I posed to A was, "Who do we want to be in baby's life?". This question was not intended to target the obvious folks in our lives - like moms and dads and so on. Rather, the questions was to identify who in our lives influence, inspire, encourage and challenge us and as a result who we want baby to know. What's interesting is that we didn't answer the question. Instead, we trailed into a discussion about whether or not it's people or events that shape a person.

Naturally, to answer the first question thoughtfully, we made attempts to identify people who had influenced our lives and why. This was a difficult task. I found myself naming people I never even met who influenced me - like Terry Fox, Anne Frank, or Nicky Cruz.

Then, we drifted into the idea that events were more significant than people. Testing this theory out was fascinating. Here are a couple of examples of events early in my life that formed my idea of the world and ultimately, the way in which I react to it.

In 1980, Mt. St. Helens erupted. Although the event was about 200 miles from our home in Abbotsford, the sky went black in the middle of the day and stayed black until the next morning. This historical volcanic eruption profoundly altered my understanding of the world. I was six years old at the time and faced thoughts of mortality, the end of the world, the magnitude of greater spiritual powers, and ultimately that there are many things that could happen in my life which are beyond my control.

The economic recession of the early 80s was a critical time for me. Although I was very young, I was well aware of the financial chaos that my parents were enduring. As a result of the economic downturn it was a painful and exhausting period in their lives. I know they did their best to protect me during this heartbreaking time in their lives. Nevertheless, the external factors that changed were obvious to me - my dad had to struggle to find work that paid him fairly (at the time he, a building contractor, in the declining construction industry), my mom returned to the work force with some reluctance I imagine, we moved away from our lovely home which my dad had built for us (only a few years earlier) in a great neighbourhood and into a rental (gasp!) in a not so awesome neighbourhood, sold a vehicle and got a used one (oh, 'the Beast' as we fondly referred to it as), and so on...

What the recession forced me to consider is what impact unforseen , unmanageable debt has on a person's life. I wondered if we had lived with less from the beginning of our family's formation if this period of our lives could be less devestating. I made a choice at that age that material things were of little importance to me. In that same vein, I made a conscious decision that I would not incur debt over any other important person or experience in my life. In my own way I made a committment to not follow 'the American/Canadian dream'. The long term impact of that decision lives with me every day. In rare moments, I dread this absolutism because it's so not 'normal' and more often than not it causes others to bristle at my comments and decisions about - for example - not having any interest to own a home. That said most of the time I'm well aware and grateful about the direction that this personal, lifestyle value has formed me.

These are two events that distinctly and certainly shaped me, prior to age eight.

So, events form a person - that is for sure. In that though, I imagine that the influence of people within those events shape the event itself. I'm not quite done mulling this thought through although I believe that a parents' role, my eventual role, is to facilitate life events in my child's life. And when unforseen things happen - like a recession or a natural disaster - it's my role to respond to the impact of those events on my child.

*Sigh* I really am glad I waited so long to have a babe.... this is all just so major.